haven been updating tis blog for a v long time.. didnt noe wat to say bout my life now except dat it just sucks..

though have been goin out for several times with frenz to chill, but i just feel so empty after i reach home.. though i m smiling n laughin on the outside, but deep down, nobody understand.. the feeling just suck and the though of everything make mi so sian.. anyway, when will my days b bright n sunny?? it has already been so long.. i just dont understand..

for job lookin wise, i have been sending out tons n tons of resume.. but i tink the market is v bad.. went for 3 interviews.. however, all say will call mi in one week time if i make it to e 2nd interview.. lol.. abit irritating.. but no choice.. and just receive a call from an agent.. saying she will be sending my resume to her client.. c if gt any feedback ma.. so i will just cross my fingers and pray hard for good news..

as for relationship, i wanted to end everythin peacefully.. however, u force mi to b hostile n cruel to u.. i do cherish e 4 yrs we had no matter wat has happened.. and i have already told u.. unless u change for a better.. if not, u will be out from my life totally.. but u r too stubborn to listen.. and during the 4 yrs, i swear i had told u more than 5 times.. but everytime, u just change for a short period of time.. after dat, all come returnin again.. i no longer sense any feel of security and love so this time, i m damn serious.. i no longer can c wat will happen to us 5 yrs down the road.. not to mention gettin married like wat u say and spending our lives together.. u say i m v hard hearted and being unfair plus cruel to u.. but have u tot of wat makes e judy today that u c now? sorry to say tis, but i have changed.. i m no longer e judy u noe before.. just like i arent e judy u know when u were 11 yrs old when we got together..

u say i arent smilin and talking like how i used to last time.. its bcoz i dont c any reason to do so.. i arent happy so y shd i smile? everything will b so fake if i do so.. i dont wan that to happen.. so many things happened btw us.. i just feel that both of us had tried our best to make tis relationship works.. however, there are too many to work on and seriously speaking, both of us are tired.. u got to admit that tis is the truth.. isnt it? everyone will change over a period of time.. its just a matter of changing to b a better person or changing to someone which u yrself cant even recognise.. u got to admit also that e feel btw us had faded due to alot which happened last yr.. however, we were stil forcing our relationship to go on due to the promises, commitment and expectation everyone close have on us.. to me, i have told u many times.. u r stil hangin on to this relationship becoz u r too used to havin me by ur side.. i just feel i m a piece of drifting wood that u r holding on to for fear that u will drown..

sorry to say tis.. but i have to let go coz i m afraid of drowning too.. out in the surface, i may seem strong.. but deep down, i arent at all.. nobody knows bout tis.. i arent as dependant as how i look.. i need someone to take care of me and not the other way round.. i m just tired.. sick n tired of everything.. both of us dont have alot of 4yrs to waste.. thus, its time to move on..

now u r tellin mi i deserve someone better and have already have that someone beside me now.. but, its not the truth.. i m afraid.. i m exhaused.. just having the thought of being in a relationship again just put me off.. not to mention starting all over again..

all i wan to say now is, thanks for everythin in this 4+ yrs.. both of us got to move on.. unless the day comes when both of us meet the expectation of each other, there wont b any hope ro continue tis relationship..

5:45 PM

everythin has ended..
4 yrs and its all gone..
thanks for everything!

2:50 PM

ages since i last blog..

health is bad..
being hospitalize again!
later stil need to go back hospital follow up!

i simply dont like it..

4:52 AM

i guess its time to change new job again..
accts in tis company just suck til max..
first tel me they wil be sending my chq of 3 days of work to the bank to bank in for mi..
now tel mi wil hold and bank in together when they pay me for my work in may..
cb..

anyway, wil b meeting up with my ex colleague hendri either tomolo or wed..
he say gt lobang intro..
sales line..
pray its a gd one and can earn mre..

till then~ *wave*

12:59 PM

freaking tired..
need to wake up darn early just to catch the company bus..

more info on the company i m working in..
its a marine engineering company..
singapore company lai de..

here de ppl v funny de..
chop chop 12pm lunch coz gt ppl help da bao..
den the company trend damn funny de lo..
everyone eat at their own table..
then at 12.15pm, the whole office is dark de lo..
coz they off the light to slp..

my goodness..
v cute right?
then at 6pm, everyone chop chop punch out..
at 5.55pm, everyone packing bag le..
LOL!!

hopefully can survive in this job..
coz i arent a "morning" person ya?
cross finger and pray hard hor..

7:42 AM

back from bangkok already..
love there alot..
great for ppl who wanna spend tons n tons of money..
i shopped and bought lots of stuff..
but most of them are for my family la..

anyway, started working on monday..
its a marine engineering com.
singapore com lai de..
a v v messy company with lots of lame paperwork..
hope can survive in this company la..
coz interview for admin position..
but in the end, ended up in purchasing dept as purchaser..
my god!
mre details in e next post..

anyway, lunch is over and wil b back to blog again..~

12:58 PM

lol.. in less den 2 hrs time i b makin my way to bangkok with jacqueline..
lookin forward to the trip!!
will update pics if there is any nice ones..
lookin forward to carry loots back....

anyway, i have passed my TP on 6th feb..haha..

4:51 AM

i guess there was b some problems with my body..
i just dun seem to have any appetite..
has lost like 10kg over 4mths and gettin blue black when i did not even knock myself onto anythin..
i feel thirsty though i drink lots of water..
whenever i go c doc, they wil just gimmi antibiotic!!
now, i change to chinese sinseh..
coz i scare later kidney failure!
my goodness!!!
anyone can tel mi wat e fuck is happenin to my body??
i need HELP!!

9:48 AM

i tink i m mad..
feeling happy at one moment and moody e next..
at times, just wanna hide in a dark corner..
feel like off-ing my phone so that no one is able to find mi..
however, i noe tis is not possible as i noe i will make those who couldnt get mi worried..

life is so contradicting isnt it?
i noe life is like dat..
i noe i got to change myself to suit the environment..
i noe i have gt no choice but to do wat i have to do now..

but.......
i just dont like it..
i know i have changed..
i m no longer that "judy" i m 4 yrs ago..

in actual fact, i hate the current me, current life and everythin the evolve ard mi..
i hate the "me" who is so indecisive..
i hate the "me" who is so contradicting..
i hate the "me" who is so soft hearted..
i hate the "me" who is so weak..
i seriously hate everythin abt mi now..

some ppl ard mi just cannot make life easy for mi..
i just dont understand y that can just act like one and change face e other moment..
i dont understand y do i have to do such a thing whereby i hate it when it happens to my family before..
i just tink i m losing myself and i m lost..

i just dont like to go home anymore..
no matter its my own home or his home..
i just hate e feel of being alone in a room and with ppl naggin outside bout those untrue things..
trust mi.. one day shd i burst, i wont give face no matter who u r..
TRUST MI!!!!

1:57 PM

e food at indulgz just sucks..
it seriously dont worth e money at all..
ordered 2 main course..
e food is tasteless ( as in i dont taste any seasoning added )

damn irritating..
was so paiseh coz i was e one who suggusted going there for dinner..
tmd!
thus, my advice is, dont ever go there to try out if u are tempted to go there..
coz, i tink, the food is not worth the price you paid and the service is not dat gd also..
place is not cosy and seating is too low..

so, in conclusion, i wont b going there ever again..
it just dont seem as nice as how xiaxue has describe!

9:13 AM

gona go try out indulgz bristro later which xiaxue recommand..
work is so hectic.. nvr ending ...
but i m tryin to learn how to LOVE my job as days goes by...
e onli reason i LOVE my job now is dat it is just 30 mins ride from my place..
and its a straight bus!!! LOL!!!

anyway, wil b movin to tradehub 21 in dec..
hopefully e bus journey wont take too long to reach office la..
from map it seems like its v near IMM..
but then, when i search "tradehub 21" at yahoo, the address is 50 Bukit Batok Street 23 #08-22 Singapore 659578 ...

BUKIT BATOK STREET 23!!!!
omfg!!! its means that i wil b able to meet up with ex colleagues for lunch!!!!
damn!! i m lookin forward to shiftin over lo.. lol!!

bth myself!! anyway, wil update pics on food again~

6:14 PM

i m now bloggin from my new workplace..
everything is ok except i tink they are in a HURRY to teach mi..
machiam i m computer like dat.. just input and everythin wil b inside.. LOL!!
1st day need to learn product and preparing quotation,SO,PO and packing list..
my mentor, sharmaine, wanted to teach mi ageing also..
but i cannot take it already thus i told her i wil learn tomolo..
too much for mi to handle.. omg!!
anyway, hope can survive thru tis "learning" period lo..

on a happier note, i was informed that my hard work previously has paid off..
though its lame coz i have already left that company..
however, on learning that they have already received the confirmation on the last project which i have put my heart and soul in reali brightens up my day!!
felt so consoled though the way they treated mi was fucked up la..
i mean, just imagine losin slp and appetite coz afraid dat i wil mess up the docs..
heng everythin ends up well la.. LOL!!

anyway, gona go back to slog for the last 15 mins befroe i offically call it a day..
before i end, i just wanna declare something..
and dat is................................

5:10 PM

lol.. ages since i last blog..
not workin at e moment..
restin and restin everyday!
if it is resting without any disturbance, it would b perfect.. lol..

realise i couldnt reali get along with his mum after all..
e things dat i do and the things she does are totally different..
i guess its time to re-evaluate again!

anyway, i hate goin to interviews again n again!
its so tedious!
nb!

alright.. wil b back to blog soon if i get a job ya? LOL!!

7:58 PM

fallin in love with several songs..


Title：冲动

很感激 这城市拥挤的交通
让你我 还能多相处几分钟
人潮中 怕失散所以轻轻拉你的手
一刻不放松 不放松

忍不住 想要爱你的冲动
不确定你属于我 会有点寂寞
你给的幸福 在我心中自由走动 抚平我每一个伤口
忍不住 想要吻你的冲动
不确定我的执着 能让你感动
我只能相信自己感受 不怕失落
关于你的一切 我想要比谁都懂


title: 不要用我的爱来伤害我

我以为你是真的爱过 所以我才认真把握
不知不觉陷入爱的旋涡抓不住解救的绳索
我为你付出了太多太多从没问过爱的结果
可是你一次一次的出卖我一次一次让我难过

不要用我的爱来伤害我 你知道我是多脆弱
我做错了什么你要惩罚我 如果这样你还说爱我
不要用我的爱来伤害我 你的绝情无法闪躲
如果你要解脱撕毁的承诺请把我从前对你的爱还给我


title: 痛也不会说出口的我
一切早开始了　一切却还未辉煌
触摸到手指　不代表敲动她心房
我爬到高山的一半　想要回头怎么办
风撼动我的肩膀　汗揪着我的衣裳
谁愿意失败失败再失败
谁高兴期盼期盼再期盼

我是个痛也不会说出口的人
我是个贪心也注定要不到的人
你恋恋过我　就像花依赖树尖
但风轻轻的吹　时候到幸福却枯萎
我是个爱也不会说清楚的人
我是个懦弱也还在拼拼看的人
火熊熊了眼　别太快灰飞湮灭
荣耀若值钱　我不会掉下泪

though i noe e last 2 songs quite old liao.. but, they do fully describe my feel now!! EMO-ing!!

11:11 AM